Things to Remember

Dinner Conversation

I had a dinner party at a sushi place recently. This conversation took place at the table:

Me (while trying to forcefeed the birthday girl a last piece of sushi): Come on!
Birthday Girl: I have to be in a bikini tomorrow!
Me: Just suck it in!
Birthday Girl: You can also suck it so far!

Perspective

Ice Cream

Party animal eh? Not so sure about that...

Weaknesses

I have many weaknesses. Things I can't resist, especially food wise, but in other sphere of my life as well.

Here are a few:

• Cheese - I simply love cheese. I have it all the time, in all its form. My favourite late night snack is a grilled cheese. I also often buy creamy cheese (such as brie or camembert) and bread and eat only that for dinner.
• Chocolate - well, it goes without saying that I love chocolate. Anything with chocolate. It's a wonderful and terrible addiction!
• Vanilla Soy Milk Latte - I drink one of those every morning. It starts my day happily!
• Wine - I'm a huge fan of wine. I actually bought 'Wine for Dummies' but haven't finished it yet. So I'm still a dummy about it I guess..
• Dirty Martini - My go-to drink. Enough said!
• Olives - Related to the post above. I love olives, I put them on everything: burgers, pizza, pasta, salads. I also love to eat queen olives straight up.
• Blue eyes - my biggest weakness on a man is blue eyes. I find them extremely attractive
• Abs - i'm probably not the only one here but Abs (and that V-line!) are just the sexiest muscle you can have. I'm really not into big beefy guys, but abs kinda do it for me.
• Beach - Well it goes without saying, but I'm a huge sucker for beaches. I'll go anywhere that involves sand and the ocean.
• Ice Cream - Yeah...i eat ice cream too much!

You Have Two Cows

The Two Cow view of World Economics.

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away…

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

VENTURE CAPITALISM – AN ICELANDIC CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty
times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called ‘Cowkimon’ and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of Democracy….
You also no longer have schools, hospitals, mosques, factories or farms
You start fields of opium poppies to fill the gap left by Afghanistan

A GREEK CORPORATION
You have the two cows loaned by Germany.
You borrow against the cows from the Germans
You kill the cows and make souvlaki
You can’t pay the interest so the Germans lend you more money
You can’t pay the interest so the Germans lend you more money
You can’t pay the interest so the Germans lend you more money
You can’t pay the interest so the Germans lend you more money

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive

IRISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You take your two cows to the bank, and go into business with a developer to build a 100 story shopping centre in the middle of nowhere.
Your business goes bust because there are no customers in the middle of nowhere.
You now owe NAMA over 100 cows.
You emigrate.

Free Lemons!

I Have a Big Butt And I Cannot Lie

Different

I Never Told You

I miss those blue eyes
How you kiss me at night
I miss the way we sleep like there's no sunrise
Like the taste of your smile