Tu me manques

Source: imgfave.com via Karine on Pinterest

Blue Eyes

I see your blue eyes
Every time I close mine
You make it hard to see
Where I belong to when I'm not
Around you

Theatre

I've been doing a lot of quotes lately, and not really writing. It's been quite busy.

I actually got a job which would qualify as my dream job, outside of acting. I got to do public relations and marketing for a theatre company. I'm greatly grateful that I had this opportunity to be a part of something I believe in. That I got to contribute to thousands of people enjoying Shakespeare, for free, in a park.

Theatre should be more accessible. It’s not normal that people have to pay more money to go see Shakespeare in a small theatre, produced by a small independent production, than it is for them to go see a crappy blockbuster at ScotiaBank Theatre. A blockbuster that cost millions of dollars to make and which will make millions of dollars back. Theatre companies are not ripping off the public, trust me, I know. They are barely making money, when they do make money at all. But this is the world we live in; a crazy, crazy world, where crappy, drowned entertainment is cheaper than live and exciting performances. Where a trio at MacDonalds is cheaper than broccoli. No wonder the arts are dying.

I wish theatre was like the movies. You could just go to one place and look around at the posters, and pick the representation you wish to see that fits your schedule. “Yeah, let’s go see Hamlet at 7h30 since we clearly missed All My Sons at 7h05”. Then people would walk into these rooms and be witness to live and amazing theatre instead of mass produced, overly glossed, cheap entertainment. Now, don’t get me wrong. I love movies. But I don’t understand why it’s such a standard to go see a movie, and not to go see a play. They are both extraordinary medium, and they both deserve an audience.

No Artist is Pleased

No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others.

Martha Graham

Life is funny. It's funny how the simplest things can knock us off our feet; the perfect gust of wind, driving down country roads with the windows down, seeing someone you love smile, being where you feel right, skinny dipping at midnight while the moon shines, letters from old friends...and yet, these simple things, remind us why we live.

When I was a little girl I used to read fairy tales. In fairy tales you meet Prince Charming and he's everything you ever wanted. In fairy tales the bad guy is very easy to spot. The bad guy is always wearing a black cape so you always know who he is. Then you grow up and you realize that Prince Charming is not as easy to find as you thought. You realize the bad guy is not wearing a black cape and he's not easy to spot; he's really funny, and he makes you laugh, and he has perfect hair.

Taylor Swift

Success

"The people I consider successful are so because of how they handle their responsibilities to other people, how they approach the future, people who have a full sense of the value of their life and what they want to do with it. I call people successful not because they have money or their business is doing well but because, as human beings, they have a fully developed sense of being alive and engaged in a lifetime task of collaboration with other human beings -- their mothers and fathers, their family, their friends, their loved ones, the friends who are dying, the friends who are being born. Success.. is all about being able to extend love to people... not in a big, capital letter sense but in the everyday. Little by little, task by task, gesture by gesture, word by word." 

- Ralph Fienne

Stand Tall

"You can stand tall without standing on someone. You can be a victor without having victims."

 - Harriet Woods

Shoe Orgasm

Signs You Are In A Horror Movie

#18 - Signs You Are In A Horror Movie

(From the BrokenChairEssays)

      You'll be fucking a blonde with big tits when the lights go out. This is the first sign.
      The first you'll actually notice anyway. There were others before this, but were the kind of signs only seen with hindsight or in a rear-view mirror.
      Driving in a topless jeep with four other college juniors toward a remote group of cabins by the lake while listening to CCR and smoking weed.
      That was a sign.
      But what's important here though, and I can't really stress this enough, is that you're fucking a blonde with big tits when the lights go out.
      You won't notice it at first, then will, but will keep going. This is a mistake, and is one of many that you'll be making in the near future. The mistake isn't so much that you continue with the big breasted blonde but your reckless abandon in the face of the unknown. This will be a reoccurring theme.
      When you're about to finish on the blonde, a machete blade will come from under the bed and emerge from her chest.
      This is a sign.
      She might scream, but probably won't get the chance and will just make some sort of pathetic gurgle. You'll recoil in horror, naturally, grabbing a pair of shorts, or jeans and running from the cabin. You'll run to the next cabin over to get your friends.
      You'll burst into the room in a blaze of desperation only to find the hanging body of your best friend (sign.) He'll have some sort of ridiculous meat hook through his face which is keeping him nailed to the roof. You'll be devastated of course, you were close with him, having shared the school’s quarterback duties (and the blonde).
      You'll decide you're angry now. You don’t know what’s going on but you’ve had enough. You’re planning some good old fashion vigilante justice. (Mistake).
      You’ll head to the jeep and open the back. You root around to find your dad's old skeet shooting rifle, some ammo, maybe a large hunting knife and a flashlight. (There might be a bit of a music/quick edit montage here, or some sort of camera circle-around-the-actor shot as you look out into the woods. All of this really depends on whether or not Michael Bay is directing this particular horror movie.).
      Having armed yourself you'll head off with a Rambo-like determination. (Mistake. Reckless abandon. Sign.)
      This is when shit really goes sour for you though, when things really come down to the wire. You'll be trouncing through the woods shotgun slung over your shoulder. You'll hear some noises; see some bushes shake, or some shadows move. You'll put your back to a large tree, terrified as you try and calm yourself down. This is when we, the audience, get our first good look at our hero (not your hero). The camera will pan out and he'll be standing behind the tree, machete in hand. This shot, with you and him, will probably be the movie poster, or the website graphic or some sixteen year old’s facebook picture.
      You'll hear him breathing now, and your eyes will be wide with panic. Your bravado will have completely subsided now and you'll be running through the thick trees. You’ll run all the way to the jeep, which will now have its top and windows up. It'll be unlocked and you'll get in. You'll find the keys in the sun visor and put them in and turn them. Despite being a brand new jeep in perfect condition, it will rev, and rev but never start. This is most definitely a sign.
      You'll be focused on the engine's efforts, revving and revving. There's a stillness while the engine revs and fails, revs and fails. This is when the brunette will get your attention by ridiculously hurling herself on the driver's side window as hard as she possibly can, effectively giving you a goddamn heart attack.
      She's pretty but in a near miss, supporting actress, kind of way. She'll be crying and telling you about the third dude's head, and how it’s in the freezer beside the rum. (Sign.)
      You'll look past her to see the enormous man wearing a mask and holding a machete emerging from the surface of the lake and walking at a leisurely pace.
      (These are all signs).
      The brunette will let out a bloodcurdling scream, and the masked man will throw the knife end over end at her, splitting her head open like a watermelon.
      It's at this point when your suspicions will be pretty high that you are in a horror movie. You're pretty sure. You'll venture to say that with all this evidence you're almost 94% sure. There’s hope though right? You think that there's always a survivor isn’t there? These things always have about twenty seven sequels and remakes, each one more ridiculous than the last. But usually there’s that one person that overcomes the forces of evil and survives.
      Right?
      These are the thoughts you've chosen as your last while the boat anchor smashes your nose through the back of your skull.
      (This is a sign.)

I don't chase after anyone

Here's the door!

Everything I Have

"You look at me like you have no secrets and nothing to hide and I want to give you everything I have"

Story of my Life!

Be Weird

Ping

Marty: I'll ping you next week
Me: Ping...you nerd!
Marty: Only another nerd would understand it!

Private Island

Me want! Plus, as a bonus, I will survive the zombie apocalypse!

Brave

"If you're never scared, you can never be brave"

Director during Macbeth rehearsal

We Can Still be Friends

"We can still be friends" is like saying "Hey, the dog died but we can keep it"

Word to the Wise

The Bachelorette

I may or may not have teared up a little during this part:


Jef: “You and I have one of those relationships that just comes easily. From the first time I met you, there was a unique connection that the only words I can use to describe it is 'meant to be.' As we've spent the last little while traveling all over the world together, I've gotten to know so much about you. I've realized I'm completely in love with everything about you. I love the way you smile. I love the way you grab my hand and hold it. I love how good of a person you are. I love how passionate you are about helping others. I love how good of a mom you are. I love that you want a cute little family, hopefully with me. I love how you chase your dreams and I love how you want to make the world a better place. I love how funny you are and how funny we are together. I love how you fit in my arms. I love the thought of going to sleep next to you and waking up to those big brown eyes every morning. I'm so excited to meet Ricki. I'll teach her how to play sports and I'll cheer her up when she's sad and laugh with her when she's funny. And I'll be there for her. I want to show her how to fall in love and have a love story that lasts forever, because I'll love you forever. Most of all I'm completely and hopelessly in love with you."

BEST. LETTER. EVER.

Hot Cats

When it's this hot outside (and inside!), I feel really bad for my cats... They just lay on the floor looking so miserable. See, they can't have iced lattes or salad and white wine on a patio. No, they are just hot, covered in fur and eat the same kibbles and lukewarm water. It's not fair

And then I remember that they are cats and get to lounge around all day and play and lick themselves and pretty much are kings. And I don't feel so bad!

Advice from a Tree

Eating Habits

Eat healthy! It's cheaper yo!

Bigger image here.

Oh Wine!

Hipster

You know you're a hipster when:

1. You live in the plateau
2. You drink Pabst
3. You do things 'ironically'
4. You only listen to indie bands and secrectly hope they never make it big because then you'd have to stop listening to them
5. You only shop at Urban Outfitters, thrift shops or American Apparel
6. You own a bike, preferably a 'fixed gear'
7. You have uttered the words 'i'm not a hipster'

Love is Blind

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

Lingerie

I went lingerie sale shopping with a friend the other day...

Friend (while holding out a lacey slip): What do you do with that?
Me: You wear it to bed and someone takes it off
Friend: Oh.
Me: It won't last more than 10 minutes
Friend: So you're pretty much paying a dollar a minute!

Gravity

Sara Bareilles, I love you

Things to Remember

Dinner Conversation

I had a dinner party at a sushi place recently. This conversation took place at the table:

Me (while trying to forcefeed the birthday girl a last piece of sushi): Come on!
Birthday Girl: I have to be in a bikini tomorrow!
Me: Just suck it in!
Birthday Girl: You can also suck it so far!

Perspective

Ice Cream

Party animal eh? Not so sure about that...

Weaknesses

I have many weaknesses. Things I can't resist, especially food wise, but in other sphere of my life as well.

Here are a few:

• Cheese - I simply love cheese. I have it all the time, in all its form. My favourite late night snack is a grilled cheese. I also often buy creamy cheese (such as brie or camembert) and bread and eat only that for dinner.
• Chocolate - well, it goes without saying that I love chocolate. Anything with chocolate. It's a wonderful and terrible addiction!
• Vanilla Soy Milk Latte - I drink one of those every morning. It starts my day happily!
• Wine - I'm a huge fan of wine. I actually bought 'Wine for Dummies' but haven't finished it yet. So I'm still a dummy about it I guess..
• Dirty Martini - My go-to drink. Enough said!
• Olives - Related to the post above. I love olives, I put them on everything: burgers, pizza, pasta, salads. I also love to eat queen olives straight up.
• Blue eyes - my biggest weakness on a man is blue eyes. I find them extremely attractive
• Abs - i'm probably not the only one here but Abs (and that V-line!) are just the sexiest muscle you can have. I'm really not into big beefy guys, but abs kinda do it for me.
• Beach - Well it goes without saying, but I'm a huge sucker for beaches. I'll go anywhere that involves sand and the ocean.
• Ice Cream - Yeah...i eat ice cream too much!

You Have Two Cows

The Two Cow view of World Economics.

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away…

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

VENTURE CAPITALISM – AN ICELANDIC CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty
times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called ‘Cowkimon’ and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of Democracy….
You also no longer have schools, hospitals, mosques, factories or farms
You start fields of opium poppies to fill the gap left by Afghanistan

A GREEK CORPORATION
You have the two cows loaned by Germany.
You borrow against the cows from the Germans
You kill the cows and make souvlaki
You can’t pay the interest so the Germans lend you more money
You can’t pay the interest so the Germans lend you more money
You can’t pay the interest so the Germans lend you more money
You can’t pay the interest so the Germans lend you more money

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive

IRISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You take your two cows to the bank, and go into business with a developer to build a 100 story shopping centre in the middle of nowhere.
Your business goes bust because there are no customers in the middle of nowhere.
You now owe NAMA over 100 cows.
You emigrate.

Free Lemons!

I Have a Big Butt And I Cannot Lie

Different

I Never Told You

I miss those blue eyes
How you kiss me at night
I miss the way we sleep like there's no sunrise
Like the taste of your smile

Goodbye My Almost Lover

I'd never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me
Goodbye, my almost lover

Romeo & Juliet

As much as I love Shakespeare, let's be honest here!

Closer

Closer, by Patrick Marber, is my favourite play. It was also adapted for the big screen in 2004 and it became one of my favourite movie. One of my dream still remains to play Alice in a production of Closer. And I will one day, you'll see.

I love this play because it is the best and most accurate representation of love and sex and how completly confusing it can be. How love can be completly overly romanticized when really it comes down to hormones and timing. We can love many, but it all depends on who we CHOOSE to love and how. There's no such thing as a soul mate. But when you are in love, it's impossible to imagine ever being in love with anyone else.

Here's some of my favourite quotes:

Dan: What do you want ?
Alice: To be loved.
Dan: That simple ?
Alice: It's a big want

Larry:You women don't understand the territory, because you are the territory

Alice: Do you still fancy me?
Dan: Of course
Alice: You're lying. I've been you!

Alice: It's the only way to leave; I don't love you anymore, Goodbye
Dan: Supposing you do still love them?
Alice: You don't leave

Everything's Amazing and Nobody's Happy

This made me laugh a lot, as well as reminded me I complain way too much about things I take for granted!

I love 'it's going to SPACE!!'

Not Giving Up

After a heartbreak, it's easy to fall back on giving up. Giving up on caring,  opening up and being vulnerable. I certainly have. Everytime, i feel like I may become one of those jaded human beings who play games and aren't able to experience beautiful emotions fully. I do not want to be like that, but it's strangely appealing. But I feel if I protect my heart in that way, I will lose out on all the beautiful things it makes me experience. Because I live things fully, always. I don't half-ass, not when it comes to emotions and life experiences. And I try not to regret. It's hard, but I try. I hope I keep being the passionate wears-her-heart-on-her-sleeve girl. Although I also do hope the next deception will hurt less. Don't we all?

So this is me. Hoping to not give up. The same way I wish people wouldn't have given up on me.

Best Advice

Heidi: I was really falling in love with him...
Lauren: Don't fall in love

Brokeback Twilight

I'd see that!

Sleepless in Verdun

Sleep has left me alone to carry the weight of unravelling where we went wrong.
It's all I can do to hang on and keep me from falling into old familiar shoes

Contradictions

I’m a control freak, yet I let my heart guide all my decisions

I’m a jaded cynic, yet I’m a hopeless romantic

I’m a dreamer, yet I seek stability

I’m confident and insecure, I’m smart and naïve, I’m an optimistic pessimist

Blue Eyes

Blue eyes blue eyes i just want to love you
Hold you, squeeze you
Kiss you and touch you
Maybe thinking exactly what I'm thinking
You tell me you're not thinking what I'm thinking
I'm not trying to change you, I'm just trying to change your mind
Maybe if you knew then you'd change your mind about me, baby

Montreal

While I do dream of moving to California, I realize how great my hometown is!

I recently found this amazing video that overviews Montreal's best attractions:

Sleeping with Cats

One of my cat insists on sharing my pillow with me and most of the time, tries to lean half his weight on my head. I also often wake up with a cat sleeping on my leg or in between them, making it impossible for me to move!

Toronto Weekend

I spent my Easter weekend in Toronto visiting my bf's cousin. We got great weather and had such a great time! The food was sooo yummy!

We went to Hadley's our first morning. The food was great and the portions perfect. I would definately go again in my next Toronto visit! I ate the aragula eggs benedicts.

That night we ate at Foxley which is a great tapas bar. On the pricey side but everything was delicious, especially the bluecrab avocado salad and the sea scallops with jalapenos.

The next morning we treated ourselves to Boom, a breakfast joint that also had quite interesting choices, good taste and perfect portions. I got the California Spamelette (surprise, surprise!)

For dinner, we hit Golden Thai where I got some scallops in oyster sauce. It was a good restaurant, nothing fancy, nothing special. But we had a good time!

We also spent hours in the Trinity Bellwoods Park where we took in some sun, some Corronas and watched some dogs run around. I also got a sunburn and now look like a racoon! Thank you oversized sunglasses!

Walk Off the Earth

I've discovered this group through a friend. They are quite something. They mostly do covers but their videos are amazing.

Check them out!!

Salads

I don't like making salads. I like eating them but I despise making them. It's all that chopping that doesn't even lead to a hot meal...

But I receive an organic fruit and vegetable basket every two weeks and they often send me lettuce and cucumbers and other salad worthy veggies.

So I decided to try and eat more salads. Just for the sake of avoiding throwing out those yummy veggies.

Let's call it the salad challenge!

Best Compliment Ever

Marley & Me

A dog has no use for fancy cars, big homes, or designer clothes. A water log stick will do just fine. A dog doesn't care if your rich or poor, clever or dull, smart or dumb. Give him your heart and he'll give you his. How many people can you say that about? How many people can make you feel rare and pure and special? How many people can make you feel extraordinary?

I watched Marley & Me because I was in the mood for an easy romantic comedy. But I actually enjoyed it much more than I expected. There may have been tears...Yes, I'm an emotional sap! But still, overall, that movie exceeded my expectations, especially for a Jennifer Anniston movie!

Deal Breakers

I was asked recently what my deal breakers were. So I decided to list them:

• Smoker
• Allergic to cats
• Lives with his mother
• Intolerance (no gay or jew jokes allowed)
• Undecisive
• Constantly late
• Overly dramatic personality (i need someone to balance me out!)
• Lack of sexual chemistry
• Dishonest/untrustworthy
  

Being Erica

Being Erica is a show I strangely just discovered. It's canadian, simple and lovely. The main actress is such a sweetheart in a completely genuine way that she just sucks you in.

The show revolves around regrets and how to accept them. However, the premise is that Erica, a woman in her thirties who feels she made the wrong choices in life, is given the opportunity to go back in time and faces her regrets and change them.

Obviously, her time traveling therapy becomes not so much about changing the past, but realizing and accepting that some things are meant to be and that mistakes makes us who we are. Yes, cheesy. You will not gain a new perspective on life watching the show.

However, it is highly entertaining and Erica is such a beautifully written heroine that you will forget the 'time traveling therapy' nonesense.

The Kindness of Strangers

The kindness of strangers always amazes me. There's something magical in how a total stranger can sometimes step up somewhere where even a friend might not have.

Last week, we had a pretty big snowfall. The next day, I'm trying to go to work and my car won't move. As in at all. I can't go forward, I can't go backwards. I've shoveled the snow from underneath the tires and in front of them and I finally get out of the car, stare at it and sigh.

Some random man walks by and simply says "well I'll push you and you'll be on your way!". He was so optimistic and timely! He then did just then, pushed me out (which still require a few minutes of pressing on the gas and him pushing with all his might) and once I was out I opened my door to thank him, he nodded and kept on his way. In the ephoria of the moment, I forgot to ask him his name.

Isn't that wonderful? If it wasn't for him, I don't know what I would have done.. Call a friend? Who would really want to get dressed, get out of their apartement and meet you on your street to help you push your car out of the snowbank? It just seems like a lot to ask. And yet, this complete strangers offered it. While yes, it was more convenient for him as he was already in the location, it is still quite something that I didn't even have to ask.

This isn't the first time someone pushed me out of a snowbank. And I've never asked.

And everytime my heart fills with hope in human kind.

Coffee Addict

Back to the Cold

I came back from vacation 3 days ago, but I still haven't unpacked my suitcase. Part of it is because I'm lazy and part of it is because I might not want to let go of the idea that I could still put on my bathing suit...Cold cold Canada, you freeze my heart!

Fearless

“To me, “FEARLESS” is not the absence of fear. It’s not being completely unafraid. To me, FEARLESS is having fears. FEARLESS is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, FEARLESS is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. FEARLESS is falling madly in love again, even though you’ve been hurt before. FEARLESS is walking into your freshmen year of high school at fifteen. FEARLESS is getting back up and fighting for what you want over and over again even though every time you’ve tried before, you’ve lost. It’s FEARLESS to have faith that someday things will change. FEARLESS is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can’t breathe without them. I think it’s FEARLESS to fall for your best friend, even though he’s in love with someone else. And when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they’ll never stop doing, I think it’s FEARLESS to stop believing them. It’s FEARLESS to say “you’re NOT sorry”, and walk away. I think loving someone despite what people think is FEARLESS. I think allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is FEARLESS. Letting go is FEARLESS. Then, moving on and being alright…That’s FEARLESS too. But no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it. You have to believe in love stories and prince charmings and happily ever after."

Auto-Destruction

'Each person ends up killing the thing they love. Sometimes we get everything we want, handed to us on a golden platter, but we feel the need to destroy it. The heart does not always feel what the eye sees nor does the eye see what the heart feels. It is as if the soul seeks suffering. And because of that, we eventually end up destroying the object of our love.'

Daniel Karpinski

Waitressing

I'm now a cocktail waitress. I work until 3 am on saturday nights serving drinks to partying people who often under tip me. Sometimes, I have a great time doing it. I work with awesome people, I get to drink (not too much however, as I drive back home) and I get to socialize for a living. Some other times though, the loud music, the drunkness, the constant flirting and the general crowded room feeling gets to me. And I want out of there as fast as possible.

It gets me funny stories though. Like, how come guys don't realize I'm paid to smile at them. Doesn't mean I'm into them. It's all part of the game. So save yourself some energy and don't ask me for my number. I don't want to give it to you. Especially not under those circumstances.

The other night, a guy wearing sunglasses (in a club...bro, you ain't cool!) thought I was offering to buy him a drink when I asked him if he wanted something to drink. After a while, I just gave up as he was way too drunk to understand the concept that I was a waitress not a girl hitting on him.

Oh well, it pays the bills right? Plus it could be way worst!