I don't chase after anyone

Here's the door!

Hot Cats

When it's this hot outside (and inside!), I feel really bad for my cats... They just lay on the floor looking so miserable. See, they can't have iced lattes or salad and white wine on a patio. No, they are just hot, covered in fur and eat the same kibbles and lukewarm water. It's not fair

And then I remember that they are cats and get to lounge around all day and play and lick themselves and pretty much are kings. And I don't feel so bad!

Things to Remember

Weaknesses

I have many weaknesses. Things I can't resist, especially food wise, but in other sphere of my life as well.

Here are a few:

• Cheese - I simply love cheese. I have it all the time, in all its form. My favourite late night snack is a grilled cheese. I also often buy creamy cheese (such as brie or camembert) and bread and eat only that for dinner.
• Chocolate - well, it goes without saying that I love chocolate. Anything with chocolate. It's a wonderful and terrible addiction!
• Vanilla Soy Milk Latte - I drink one of those every morning. It starts my day happily!
• Wine - I'm a huge fan of wine. I actually bought 'Wine for Dummies' but haven't finished it yet. So I'm still a dummy about it I guess..
• Dirty Martini - My go-to drink. Enough said!
• Olives - Related to the post above. I love olives, I put them on everything: burgers, pizza, pasta, salads. I also love to eat queen olives straight up.
• Blue eyes - my biggest weakness on a man is blue eyes. I find them extremely attractive
• Abs - i'm probably not the only one here but Abs (and that V-line!) are just the sexiest muscle you can have. I'm really not into big beefy guys, but abs kinda do it for me.
• Beach - Well it goes without saying, but I'm a huge sucker for beaches. I'll go anywhere that involves sand and the ocean.
• Ice Cream - Yeah...i eat ice cream too much!

Not Giving Up

After a heartbreak, it's easy to fall back on giving up. Giving up on caring,  opening up and being vulnerable. I certainly have. Everytime, i feel like I may become one of those jaded human beings who play games and aren't able to experience beautiful emotions fully. I do not want to be like that, but it's strangely appealing. But I feel if I protect my heart in that way, I will lose out on all the beautiful things it makes me experience. Because I live things fully, always. I don't half-ass, not when it comes to emotions and life experiences. And I try not to regret. It's hard, but I try. I hope I keep being the passionate wears-her-heart-on-her-sleeve girl. Although I also do hope the next deception will hurt less. Don't we all?

So this is me. Hoping to not give up. The same way I wish people wouldn't have given up on me.

Montreal

While I do dream of moving to California, I realize how great my hometown is!

I recently found this amazing video that overviews Montreal's best attractions:

Deal Breakers

I was asked recently what my deal breakers were. So I decided to list them:

• Smoker
• Allergic to cats
• Lives with his mother
• Intolerance (no gay or jew jokes allowed)
• Undecisive
• Constantly late
• Overly dramatic personality (i need someone to balance me out!)
• Lack of sexual chemistry
• Dishonest/untrustworthy
  

The Kindness of Strangers

The kindness of strangers always amazes me. There's something magical in how a total stranger can sometimes step up somewhere where even a friend might not have.

Last week, we had a pretty big snowfall. The next day, I'm trying to go to work and my car won't move. As in at all. I can't go forward, I can't go backwards. I've shoveled the snow from underneath the tires and in front of them and I finally get out of the car, stare at it and sigh.

Some random man walks by and simply says "well I'll push you and you'll be on your way!". He was so optimistic and timely! He then did just then, pushed me out (which still require a few minutes of pressing on the gas and him pushing with all his might) and once I was out I opened my door to thank him, he nodded and kept on his way. In the ephoria of the moment, I forgot to ask him his name.

Isn't that wonderful? If it wasn't for him, I don't know what I would have done.. Call a friend? Who would really want to get dressed, get out of their apartement and meet you on your street to help you push your car out of the snowbank? It just seems like a lot to ask. And yet, this complete strangers offered it. While yes, it was more convenient for him as he was already in the location, it is still quite something that I didn't even have to ask.

This isn't the first time someone pushed me out of a snowbank. And I've never asked.

And everytime my heart fills with hope in human kind.

Reality Check

I get so tired of standing up on my own. I mean, I take pride in being independant. But it's so freaking exhausting.Unlike what movies tell you, carrying the world on your shoulders is not romantic or beautiful, it's exhausting. Sometimes, i just wish someone would offer to pick up the slack, without me even having to ask.

Because the thing is, when I do ask, I often get turned down. What kind of society have we come to, that friends turn down friends for help. Since when is this acceptable? Do I have bad friends, or am I just living in a selfish, self-centered society that made it acceptable for people to focus on their own needs vs helping others.

It makes me isolate myself even more. Why bother? Why even bother reaching out if you're going to get turned down? See, in movies, when the 'carry the weight of the world of their shoulder' character goes to a dark place, their journey is generally realizing that it's okay to ask for help. But they never talk about what happens when you do bother asking, and nothing happens.

Why can't I be the tortured female lead that makes the male romantic interest want to hold and protect her. And why do I keep comparing my life to movies? This is seriously fucked....

Living Alone

I've recently moved into my first ME apartement. I've had plenty of roomates, and as much as I loved them, I was in dire need of my very own space.

Things I love about living alone:

• Everything in the fridge is yours. No more looking at something yummy and being unable to eat it!
• No one is ever using the bathroom when you gotta go
• If you feel like staying in your pyjamas all day, no one notices!
• The only boyfriend around is yours
• Walking around naked is now an option
• All the closet space is yours to envade
• If it's dirty; you dirtied it
• Major control over the TV remote

I wish i could also add that all the mail is yours, but unfortunatetly, I seem to be getting mail for the past 3 tenants...